Cinematic Telescope
Stack twelve periscope lenses for intergalactic close-ups while everyone else begs for digital zoom forgiveness.
New Release*
Introducing the iPong X
Absolutely not the suspiciously familiar rectangle you're picturing.
Capabilities
A parody powerhouse with ridiculous reach and a questionable sense of restraint.
iPong X stuffs absurd tech into a chassis sized for courtroom exhibits. Every subsystem is tuned for overkill performance, cinematic flair, and the kind of bravado that keeps competitors awake.
- Dual-orbit optics so rivals look like they filmed on security cameras.
- Quantum Pong Core with enough muscle to fry benchmarks and egos alike.
- Failsafe eco-mode that composts itself before the lawsuit paperwork arrives.
Quantum Pong Core
A neural overclock engine that raids, streams, and renders while politely mocking "Pro" chips in the background.
Epoch Battery
Ten million milliamp-hours of endurance keeps the hype alive for weeks and reverse-charges that other phone that keeps "optimizing" itself.
Eco-Drama Mode
Smart biodegrading polymers self-compost on command, ensuring the planet survives your upgrade cycle and the PR fallout.
Why It's Better
Because comparisons are funniest when they're wildly lopsided.
| Specification |
iPong X
Lawsuit Bait Deluxe
|
iPhone 15 Pro Max
Apple (Actual Lawyers)
|
Samsung Galaxy S24 Ultra
Samsung (Respectable Adults)
|
|---|---|---|---|
|
Processor
Chipset
|
Pong Chip X100 (runs everything)
|
Apple A17 Pro (runs hot)
|
Snapdragon 8 Gen 3 (runs meetings)
|
|
Memory
RAM
|
512GB (because why not)
|
6GB (courage!)
|
12GB (corporate approved)
|
|
Graphics
GPU
|
RTX 4090Ti (portable-ish)
|
Apple GPU (closed garden)
|
Adreno 750 (boardroom safe)
|
|
Display
Panel
|
6.7" Super XDR (retina-searing)
|
6.7" OLED (very serious)
|
6.8" Dynamic AMOLED (committee approved)
|
More Colors
Choose a finish that matches your vibe. No matter the shade, it still out-brags phones with actual reputations.
Black
For agents of chaos cosplaying minimalists.
White
For people who call it "bespoke" while side-eyeing fruit logos.
Purple
For drama lovers who narrate unboxings like true crime.
What are you waiting for?
Reserve your iPong X before someone from legal notices the resemblance.
Purchase Now*Starting at $9999 (because nines feel cheaper)